Where we're at.......

This week has been a rough one. Much like most of my days I end up asking myself "Am I really cut out to be a mother?" It requires more than I could have ever imagined to raise children. At the end of each day I feel completely drained both physically and emotionally and I think to myself, "What can I do better?" Well......I have FOUR of them now and I am really hoping that I can figure this motherhood thing out.

The past three days my thoughts have been consumed by the fact that I DO NOT accomplish anything! I get absolutely NOTHING done and it's driving me crazy. Even simple things like just getting ready for the day are a HUGE accomplishment. And when I finally do get all FIVE girls in this house ready there is always something else that needs to be done before we can run out the door. Like Hayden pulling Kolbey's socks off for the 4th time or someone spilling chocolate milk all down their sweater or Bentley playing with her hair so much that it needs to be fixed or Kolbey throwing up all over herself right after I buckle her in her car seat. The list is endless. And you know what? I'm so glad!

I took a few moments yesterday and looked at some pictures from this time last year and I immediately felt my burdens lifted and my heart softened. I could not believe how much my sweet little girls have changed and grown. Time really does fly right by. Looking at all we have gone through together - the good and the bad - it made me smile and realize just how lucky we are to have each other. Surprisingly, I am thankful for all the "ENDLESS" tasks like laundry, cleaning up messes, cooking meals and attempting to provide absolutely everything that is required to raise happy, healthy children. It's made me stronger and a better person and I know that it will continue to do so (at least I hope). Although it might drive me crazy right now that my To Do List items never seemed to get accomplished, I need to remember the things that are more important. So, as long as I do all that I can to put smiles on these four sweet little faces and be there for them when times are not so happy then I think things will be okay. I might not get the laundry done on the day that it's supposed to be or the dusting just might get pushed to next week......that's just where we're at in life right now!

I loved looking at the pics of Tay, Beny and Hayden playing together last year so much that I finally pulled out our nice camera that Jordan bought me years ago when I wanted to become a photographer. It's a little intimidating, but I am determined to figure it out and hopefully start taking some amazing pictures of the most precious things in my life!

Here are a few that I have taken so far. Got lots to learn, but I am LOVING just playing around!

Our Sweet Baby Kolbey Ilene......she is now 5 weeks old and at her 1 month appointment she was 10.9 lbs and 22 inches long. I love that she is really starting to plump up! She is a perfect addition to our family and loves to be held, listen to her sisters voices and laughter that CONSTANTLY surround her! She still has jet black hair and blue eyes and we will cross our fingers that it stays that way! We sure love our 4th little girl!

Our CRAZY Little Haydie Noelle....is just shy of being 19 months old. She is our bulldozer! She is tough and reckless and so sweet all at the same time. Her precious smile can make anyone happy and she uses it often when getting into trouble. She manages to get into just about everything! She loves playing with her sisters & being just as big as they are, dancing, doing things she's not supposed to, her blankie and saying "I too" (meaning she wants whatever they have). Her favorite thing to do is close doors which she can prove by showing her missing thumbnail that has already fallen off. We can also tell when she wakes up from her nap because as she walks down the hallway she closes each door that she passes by. Things she does not like is having sticky fingers (which is weird with how often her hands are dirty & sticky), she does NOT like bubbles or the sand at the beach. This kid is full of surprises and we share so much laughter with her! Can't kiss or hug or tell her enough how much we love her!

Our Beautiful Beny Reese......is now a 3 year old! She loves anything girly and is obsessed with weddings. She LOVES wedding dresses, the bouquet, the veil that the bride wears - she LOVES it all. She even asked me the other day what the groom wears in the pocket of his tuxedo. WOW! She tells us all the time that she wants to marry her handsome prince and wear her white wedding dress. We have our hands full with this one! She's still shy, but very energetic and fun to be around. Other than the fact that she repeats everything that she says at least 5 times, she has the sweetest little voice you have ever heard. She wears at least 7 different outfits a day (most of them a dress up dress) and constantly plays with her hair! She LOVES chocolate milk and it must be stirred with a spoon, which she reminds me every time I make it. She also loves being tickled at night before bed. She will ask you to tickle her back, face, arms, legs and feet if she has it her way. She's a fun, tender & beautiful little girl! Some very lucky man will have the pleasure of taking her to the temple some day!

Our ABSOLUTELY AMAZING Taylor Brie.....is 5 years old! SO GROWN UP! Taylor amazes me in so many ways! She is so strong and brave and outgoing. She is the most incredible big sister and is always finding new ways to help them know how to do things the right way (meaning her way). She has earned the title "Mother Superior" from my Mom and Grandma since she has a certain way of letting others know how things should be done. She loves matching things and is always telling me that she needs to organize her toys (totally my child). She is without a doubt just a fun little girl! Always creating some new game to play whether she has puzzle pieces or just her imagination. She is our five year old going on 15 year old at times, but her personality makes it so easy to just love her! She is something special and I know that she was meant to be my daughter! I get emotional just thinking about all the things that she will accomplish in her life - who knows what she will do, but her possibilities are endless. We love our 1st baby girl!

OUR FAMILY - I love seeing ALL those stockings! We are just missing Kolbey's, but it's waiting for us in Colorado since we are going there for Christmas this year! We are SO EXCITED!!!